27 months / Mom (Mom) Matt
Every time I come on here I just shake my head. Another month and another year without you. Well this is your favorite time of the year. Halloween was nice. Leaves are falling and KC looks colorful. I cry every time a leaf falls not sure why except I know that with the leaves comes the snow and I hate when snow covers you up. Like with PJ when he died you wanted to get a blanket and cover him to keep him warm. I guess I feel that way about you now. I want to keep you warm and the snow makes me mad and I cry.
I miss you Matt. I know I say that a lot but I do. On the 11th of this month...yea I know you are going to laugh but Olathe East is doing something special for you. See I told you to be good and go to school. Dad is getting into this. He is making it very special in your honor. Be proud of him. So enjoy watching over us that day. It should be "SWEET"
Rest Matthew. I love you.
Love
Mom
Happy Birthday / Mom (Mom) So...yea we went to sing Happy Birthday to you and you decided to take the balloon right away? Was it too lame for us to leave it on the grave? I know the polka dots were not YOU...but it was cute and I liked it. You could have left it there at least until we were gone. LOL
I hope your day was whatever it should be in Heaven. I am not sure how you celebrate up there but I wish you could have spent it down here with us. Daddy and I shared a swig of Jager and then I poured the rest out for you. Hope you got some or else there are some really drunk bugs around you.
I miss you so much. I hate this. Going to see you every week. Watching the leaves fall waiting for the snow to start Trying to find some shade in the summer...why Matt? Just give us a small idea of why? Just when I think I am doing better I fall backwards and it gets harder to climb back up. I just wish I could stop hurting and missing you. I wish I could find a life to look forward to. Something. Just something good. Just something to be happy about ya know?
So I just wanted to say I love you and I wished you could have been here so I could give you a big hug for your Birthday. I guess my looking up towards the Heavens...is all I can do now. Kiss Granny and Poppy and Grandpa for me. Tell them I miss them all too.
Keep watching over me cause I need you.
I love you so much Matthew.
Love
Mom
Long Time / Melissa Murchison (Sister) Well for some reason I decided to look on here and I realized how long it's been since I've written anything. By now you're not only there with Granny but Grandpa and Poppy have joined you. God what a horrible few years... I think that I'm at peace with things though. For the first time since you died I feel like my life is where it should be and things are falling into place. I'm actually gonna graduate college here in 2 months! And I've got someone in my life that I think will be here with me for the rest of mine. All of these good things have come from you. I'm now content with who I am since you've died. I still struggle sometimes but I know that I will forever. To think that here in the next few years I'll be done with school married etc. and you're not here for any of it. Kinda wierd to think about. Mom and Dad don't seem to understand where I'm at nowadays but they support me. I hope you understand too. I miss you everyday Matt and that will never go away but I can't live the rest of my life in the shadows of your death. It would kill me and for a while it did. I'm proud of who you were and what you did in your life but yes I'm still angry. I'm angry at the Army I get angry at you for leaving me I get angry at every other sister who gripes about her brother. For some reason I can't handle certain stuff anymore. I can't go to these events ceremonies etc. It just brings me back to where I was when you died and I never want to be there again. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks and I can't pretend to be anymore. I realized all this when we lost Poppy. I don't think I'll ever be able to see a military funeral again. After losing him I spiraled out of control and I can't do it. I do want to honor you and I am proud of what you died for but I must do it in my own way in my own time. My life can't be based on you dying. I don't think you'd want me to live that way. I hope that you can understand this and see where I'm coming from. I think of you all the time and I thank you so much for giving me the life that I have now. I feel like you've brought this all to me and that makes it all more special to me. Thank you for Justin he is the best man that has ever been in my life and I wish so badly you could've known him. He makes everything I've been through worth it. I wish that you could be here to experience Mom and Dad. They are so funny and you'd be unbelievably proud of what they've accomplished in your honor. I hope you really can see our lives and I hope you're laughing with me when I crack up at how hilarious things are with them. Please keep me on track and thank you for all you've given me. I miss you more than you'll know and I'll love you forever!
Labor Day / Mom (Mom) Hey Baby
Just wanted to let you know how much I missed you today. I don't know just a little down day and I talked to you a lot but missed you more.
Trying to paint the house and get it decorated a little bit more LESS DEAD. I don't want you to think I am forgetting you I just need to move you a bit. I think having you upstairs in my office is better. I love you Matt. I miss you so much. Why is this so hard? Death is so hard.
Saturday I am going to help at the Applefest and maybe make some money for the chapter.
Ok time for bed. Rest sweet man. I love you.
Love
Mom
Im Sorry / Ashley Sharpe (Gunner)
Hey Murch...
I never told anybody this but Im sorry damn im sorry... Its my fault you went to that training that day... i know what people say... dont blame yourself... but i do if it werent for the fact that i was being so selfish and stayed home and spend a couple days extra with my son you wouldnt have even been in the gun that day you were the driver for the truck not the gunner... that was my job. But i was so damn selfish i didnt think about anybody else and for that im so sorry. If i can take it all back i would.. i would be in the gun and you would have been driving so you could have spent another day with your mom...
you know you are the only other person i have ever met in my life that was born on the same date i was 10-11-1985 never met someone else like you... you were always so funny. You and strickland could make anyone laugh after a 14 hour mission in 140 degree weather... I just want you to know that i miss you and im sorry. Please Please please forgive me. and mother of murch please forgive me too IM SO SO SO SORRY.
Ashley
Just Thinking / Mom (Mom) Hey you
As you probably already know it is a bad day for me. Nothing special happened just small triggers. I guess it started out by me watching the movie. Then trying to put some of your things away...it has only taken me 3 weeks to do this. LOL
But being in the office is a little hard seeing ALL your things in ONE spot. It is a little overwhelming.
My now you know all the happenings that have finally ended with me. I hope this is what you wanted. I hope you wanted me happy and to the point in my life...that I am at now. I myself dislike being this alone for this long because I don't want to get used to it. I want to be in a respectful relationship with someone you and Melissa approved of. I am not sure I will ever find that now. I just don't want to leave this earth alone. I want to know someone will always be here for me and you two kids were supposed to be it. Now Melissa has to be the one for me and she is FINALLY happy and going on with her life. I want her to marry and have children so I can at least complete THAT portion of life. It was supposed to be the same with you.
Who were you going to marry? How many kids were you going to have? Were you always going to be in the military or what was your life supposed to be like? OR...was augustus 4th meant to be.
I better stop here as I am just rambling. I miss you Matt. I miss you more every day. Please help me stay strong and move on with my life. Help me to understand God's reason for this. Just a little bit.
I love you.
Love
Mom
Thinking of you. / Margie Leavitt (Anderson)
Murch
Man it's been 2 years. It sucks guy. I remember you coming to the company all chucky and scared. ( You were pretty pale that day too. LOL) With some good NCO's and battle buddies plus hard work on your side you lost the baby fat and became a good soldier.
We trained for downrange in the same PLT but while in kuwait I left the PLT and went to HQ. I saw you a lot though when the command group traveled to other FOB's.
I wanted to tell you that one of my worst days downrange was going to your memorial. I was biting my lip so hard so I would cry so hard but man once they did a roll call and you didn't answer I LOST IT. ( I'm trying hard not too now) I didn't know the others we lost that well thats why your memorial was the hardest one to go too.
Murch I know you hear this a lot but I'm going to say it also
I'M DAMN PROUD TO HAVE KNOWN YOU!!!!
Much love to you Brother in Arms.
I promise to never forget you.
SGT Leavitt Margie
2nd Anniversary / Mom (Mom)
Matt
Here we are...at the 2nd year and I still can't believe you are gone. It is so unreal to me.
Life is different now. I live alone I do have a great job working with wonderful kids that keep my mind busy yet still look at some of them and work as hard as I can so some parents will still be able to have THEIR child. They may not be typical but they are their child and they are still alive. I don't go out much with friends but I am trying to change that. I attend church every week. The spiritual stuff...keeps me grounded. I do pray more to God in hopes that someday He will hear me. Daddy and Melissa are living a different life too. Daddy still can't go past your room without thinking about you. Melissa is taking it hard this year along with Daddy. I think all the numbness has worn off so now all the feelings are being felt. It sucks...it hurts.
We are meeting with the Base this morning. Not sure how that will go but I am just a tad bit miffed at how they expect us to just MOVE ON. I am so sick of hearing that. MOVE ON and LIFE GOES ON. How does one say that? How do they know we should be doing that? A part of us is gone. Our hearts have been torn apart and shattered. I dispise when people say that to me Matt. How should I answer them?
Uncle Jimmy downloaded some of Daddy's video and sent us clips this weekend. Sunday Poppy has been gone 3 months so it was a great memory day. Most of the ones he sent to me...were of you and Melissa as kids. How funny to see you running down the airport runway with your little yellow purse with your matchbox cars in it. It made me laugh so hard I cried. Then you smacking your head with your backpack and the PEANUT BUTTER NOSE comments at Melissa's 6th Birthday. You were a mess sweetie but oh how we laughed and love you. You were a ray of sunshine in our lives. Now the ray is just not as bright. Melissa is the one that keeps us going now and we know it has been a tough burden for her but we thank her for keeping this family united.
I am going to stop now. I could go on and on but I need to have my mindset to MARCH INTO BATTLE with the base. Know we miss you like crazy and wish to God...you were here. We will celebrate your life tonight and send some messages on balloons up your way this afternoon. Look for them and read each one. We DO LOVE AND MISS YOU.
Hey Matt i know your prob hanging out up there laughing and and watching us all down here. it almost been two years and i still don't want to believe i will never see you again I miss you so much!!! I think about you all the time and i tell Freddie about you and we look at you picture so he knows who his uncle matt is. I tell him story about you and how i hope when he grows up he will be as good as you were. He is obsessed with the American Flag well any Flag i tell him his uncle Matt died being a hero for us so we can have our freedom. Man i wish you could see him he a handful all boy you two would have got along very well I THINK sometimes you wisphering in his ear telling him things to do to drive me crazy!I miss you and wish you were here.
love ya
natalie
SWEET./ Aunt Heidi Hey, You!
I just checked out the site that your Dad is now part of. It's a special one for dad's of fallen soldiers. So cool that he now has his own place to go and talk to other dads about this experience. THEN, I talked to your MOM and it sounds like you're gonna be kind of a rock star soon! That is just BEYOND cool.
Are you, Granny, Poppy and your Grandpa all whoopin' it up there? I hope so. The days are starting to normalize a bit now. Trying to figure out what to do with Poppy and Granny's house as none of us can afford to keep it. I never thought I'd be only 38 and wondering what to do with my dead parent's stuff. But, then again, your dad was only 14 when he lost HIS dad so I should consider myself lucky to have all the time I did with them, I guess.
Ainsley is taking all these deaths pretty hard. She doesn't like going on trips much anymore because for a while, they've only been to funerals. Our next one has to be fun and just for her. Of course, we're thinking Disney World which is going to be hard for me because it reminds me SO much of Granny and Poppy. I'm also sending her to a special camp this summer for kids who have lost someone special. She has to bring in a "picture" of her loved ones that have passed so I'm starting her binder now. ;) Poor kid. Such a lot to deal with at such a young age. You'd have loved her. She slept with her "Matthew Bear" last night, so I'm sure you were thinking of her too.
Well, gotta go and get ready for work. I hope that you're learning to play golf with Poppy and that you and Granny are showing him and your Grandpa Wikle the ropes up there. We all miss you, but we're doing okay. Just keep a close watch.
Love and miss you, Aunt Heidi
22 month / Mom (Mom)
Another 4th of the month closer to 2 years. I think we all have decided to just forget the first week in every month as the 2nd, 4th and 6th of each month really suck.
You need to be proud of Melissa. She is doing something YOU would be proud of. I know I am.
Tomorrow, Friday is court day for me. If you have any power up there, let it go the right way, just for once. I think I deserve some good luck for a change, don't you think?
Well, summer is finally here...Memorial Day was nice and summer school starts on Monday. I am with my little man again so we should enjoy the time, together. Other then that, just trying to live.
So, in 2 months, another year will have gone by. We did meet Turk and we so much enjoyed stories he told of you all. I tried to meet Joseph but it did not work out. Someday, we will see and meet all that were friends to you.
Well, rest...Matt. Give kisses to Granny AND Poppy now. Both of them along with Grandpa are up there hanging with you. I can see it now. LOL
Love and miss you so much. Wish I could hear your voice just a little bit or feel your arms around me. I miss you, babe.
I WENT TO THE LIBERTY MEMORIAL IN KANSAS CITY YESTERDAY TO VIEW A BRICK WE PLACED IN HONOR OF RALPH, JANE AND YOU. IT IS SUCH A FITTING TRIBUTE TO YOU AND TO RALPH AND JANE WHO WERE SO VERY PROUD OF YOU. I HOPE IT SHOWS TO OTHER PEOPLE THE LOVE AND SACIFICE THAT WE HAVE ENDURED AS A FAMILY. I KNOW THAT ALL THREE OF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LITTLE GROUP UP THERE TOGETHER. WHILE WE WERE IN FLORIDA FOR RALPH'S FUNERAL WE GOT TO MEET ONE OF YOUR BATTLE BUDDIES. LEE WAS VERY HESITANT TO MEET US BUT AFTER COMING UP FROM TAMPA I KNOW HE WAS REALLY GLAD TO MEET US. WE TALKED FOR ABOUT 6 HOURS AND MOST OF IT WAS ABOUT YOU. WE CAME AWAY WITH THE FIRM BELIEF THAT WE WEREN'T THE ONLY ONES WHO LOST SOMEONE. YOU COULD TELL IS LEE'S EYES AT TIMES THAT YOUR DEATH STILL BOTHERS HIM. ANYWAY WE HAD A GOOD MEETING AND WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING HIM AGAIN. MY THOUGHTS DRIFT TOWARD YOU AND YOUR SHORT LIFE THIS MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I LOVE YOU MATT. LOVE DAD
Memorial Day 2009 / Mom (Mom)
Matthew,
I am writing today as I will be a little busy tomorrow. I am going to attend the ceremony at the Liberty Memorial tomorrow and then head up to Leavenworth to visit with you. I know daddy will be with you during THEIR ceremony but I want to visit your brick and see what daddy did for Granny and Poppy. Life has been a little nutty here but I think we are getting through it all. I just wish it would stop and allow us to breath just a little bit.
I know Poppy and Granny are with you and you are all hanging out together with God. You don't know how much that makes me feel like things are the way they should be. I wish you were still here with us but if not, you are in the best other place in the world. High up there, looking over us and allowing God to help us deal with all we have been given. I am not sure if YOU know why this all happened but I have faith you all are going to make sure we are all right.
Melissa is at the lake. I know, see how crazy she is acting but she needs time to let steam off. I am next at some point...I need a nice quiet vacation on a beach with no one but just me. Daddy and Janice are doing just fine and getting along, dealing with things, together, as they should and I am now...going to move on and find someone who will allow me to be me and love me for me. Got anyone you see up there, that may fit the bill. Send HIM to me. LOL
OK, time for more coffee. Gotta get Gus some time with Grandma. He is a PIP. He misses you too.
Love you so much and know we as American's thank you and all the soldiers from all WARS, for protecting us and allowing us to live with freedom and peace. You are my Hero, Matthew. My true HERO !!!!!!
I love you so much, Matthew and miss you more every day.
Love,
Mom
Are we done yet? / Mom (Mom)
Matt,
Ok, we need to be finished with all the deaths. Aunt Carol, Granny, Uncle Tony, Cousin Chris, Grandpa Wikle, You and now, Poppy. It's gotta be getting kinda croweded up there, I'd think? Two years and now we need to find some time to at least, take a breath.
Life has been tough since you left. So many deaths and so many trials. I know there is a reason, but it would be nice to just let us in on the secret. We are all so tired. Melissa struggled so hard in school and yet she did not finish like she wanted. She is a trooper and she misses you so much.
Daddy misses Grandpa and is helping Grandma now to deal with him being gone. I think she is still numb. My being in Fla was a journey I will never forget. Poppy's death was one of suffering and heartache. I know now both are with you and are free of all their pain.
It is so sad that all I had 2 years ago is gone. No more parents, no marriage, no more YOU. Melissa keeps me going and she is my rock. Sad but true. LOL
So, just wishing I could talk to you and so I just come here to chat and hope you hear and see what I am saying. I miss you Matt. I miss you so much. I am trying so hard to keep things together but the pain hurts so much that is just wish I could cry it all out and just move on. But, no...here is comes again. More tears, more hurt.
Please watch over us. Tell God to help us and to allow us to breath. We all need just a tiny break and I want to be happy again. Happiness...
Two years ago today Melissa and I took you to the airport so you could go back to Iraq and finish your tour. Little did we know that would be the last time we would see you. I vividly remember you entering the plane and waving goodbye for the last time. I miss you so much.
Today, you have some more company up there. Grandpa has left and is now with you. I'm sure you have a lot of catching up to do. I'm sort of jealous because he is with you and I'm here with out you. Grandpa was very proud of you and what you were doing. I'm sure he will tell you. Mom is down in Florida with Poppy and he will be joining you soon also. What a group you will have. Just know we all love and miss you and wish you were still here. Be with us and help us through the coming days. Help Melissa get through school and go on with her life. She needs to go to the next chapter even though she doesn't want to. Mom is going to meet Joseph tomorrow in Florida. I wish I were there to meet him also, but I will someday.
I love and miss you soooooooo much.
Love Dad
April = 20 months / Mom (Mom)
Hey sweetie,
Yep, it's me again. Another month going by. Another 4th comes and goes. I have them branded in my mind and my heart.
Seems so crazy that every month I come here and to your myspace page to say how much I miss you and yet, I miss you more each time. Will it ever get easier?
Things are fine here, I guess. Poppy is getting weaker but still quite funny. Not sure how much longer he has but he is getting ready to head your way. Make sure you have banana cream pie. He has been enjoying that lately. Tell Granny to get things cleaned as she know how much of a pain he is when he can't find things. Just make sure his transition is easy. He misses Granny so much.
Well, time to head to bed. Going to my meeting tomorrow. Tell the guys we are going to be talking about you all. LOL
Miss you baby. Miss you so much. Sending kisses, hugs and happy tears up to you.
Love,
Mom
19 Months / Mom (Mom)
Matt,
Here I am again...only this time it is yet another month later. 19 months. Gosh...some days it seems like just yesterday and other days, it seems so long ago. Dad and I just took Melissa out to get a hard drive for YOUR computer. Her's crashed and she is using yours from Iraq. It is kinda blowing people's mind when they see your picture come up on their pages. It is your MPguy name. Melissa said she has had some want to know who she was, using YOUR name? I guess you are laughing your butt off, having some think maybe you are messing with them. Things are going all right I guess. Work is good. I like my ( crib ) and enjoy most days, alone. I do hope someday to find that special someone to share dinner with or a movie or whatever. Until then, I enjoy ME.
So, keep watching over us. We need help most days but we know you are busy with Granny. Keep a eye on Grandpa and Poppy. They need some major help from up above. Give my love to Granny and tell her I miss her so much.
I love you Matt, Love,
Mom
!8 months / Mom (Mom)
Matthew, it's been a year and a half since our world fell apart. I still can't believe you are gone and have been for this long. Every day I wake up and wish I can call you to tell you something funny or just to talk and hear your voice. But then it comes to me...that I won't be able to do that. I know you can hear me and I talk to you all the time and the crying seems to have let up but my heart still has that same hole.
Work is good, Poppy is good, Daddy is good and Melissa will be, when she graduates. She is working her tail off. You would be proud of her.
Well, just thinking of you before I head to bed. Tomorrow will be just another day but know I love and miss you more then yesterday and will each and every day, forever.
Love you so much,
Mom
January 2009 / Mom (Mom)
I finally found time to get on here. I have been with Poppy and the Holidays sucked pretty bad. Uncle Jim, Aunt Judy, Aunt Heidi and Uncle Bill and I spent Christmas with Poppy. It might be his last one. It was bad. I walked in the house and saw YOU...on his shelf with Granny and I cried. Poppy has your picture by his bed along with Granny and he talks to you both, all the time. He is sad, Matt. He wants to be with Granny and you, but he does not want to die. Please ask God to make this easy on him.
As for Christmas, it was the first one without Melissa and the second one, without you. I am beginning to hate the Holidays so much. How do you celebrate with no family? How do you fake happiness? How do you fight the tears? This year is so much harder then last year. Last year we were all kinda numb for the Holidays and this year, we have thawed out and we are starting to FEEL again. I think I'd rather be numb. I hate the rollercoaster days and nights. I hate listening to music and crying. I hate watching it snow, and crying. I hate crying.
I had a chance to finally talk to Joseph. He is married and having a baby. I know..."SWEET". I had a nice conversation on the phone with him while I was in Fla. He misses you, Matt. We all miss you.
January is a hard time of the year for most. For us, it means yet another year without you. Daddy misses you so much. Sa misses you for the fact that she has to deal with US...all by herself now and I miss you just because I really, really, do. I miss your hugs, your smile and your voice. I wish I could just see you one more time. But then I guess I would not want that time to end and I know it would. So I will have to wait till I see you in heaven. Daddy and I are going to see who comes to see you first. Just find a nice place for us all to live.
Miss you, baby. Miss you so much. Please know I may not cry as much as I was, but that does not mean I miss you any less. I miss you more, only my tears are almost dried up. No more can come out. Kiss Granny for me and take care of all of us.
Love you always,
Mom
Christmas/ Melissa
Hey honey! Just wanted to say Merry Christmas...I'm sure it's an even bigger party up there for you. I miss you soo much Matt. This one was defintely harder and I'm starting to worry that its going to continue to be that way each year without you. I don't even want to celebrate or get presents. All I want is you...and knowing that I can't have that makes it so hard to even get in any spirit. Please know how much we all miss you and need you here. I can't believe this is the second year without you. Ok, well I have to go to work and pretend that this stupid day is fun or something, so keep watching out for me and remember how much I love you Matt (more than anything). Keep us all going. I miss you baby!!
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